expectations

by

God is Bigger than our Disappointments

Disappointments happen to us everyday. We put our expectations into something or someone, and when those expectations are not fulfilled, we become disappointed. Sports teams experience disappointments all the time. One team wins, and the other loses. The one who loses, I am sure, are disappointed at the outcome, they wanted to win. Just this past Superbowl I was rooting for the Seahawks and was disappointed that they didn’t win.

Disappointments may be simple or small, and other times they might seem ginormous.

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest. (Wikipedia.com)

dis·ap·point  (thefreedictionary.com)
1. To fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.
2. To frustrate or thwart
3. To fail to meet the expectations, hopes, desires, or standards of; let down
4. To prevent the fulfillment of (a plan, intention, etc.); frustrate; thwart

Disappointments = Expectations not being met.

Disappointments have the same flavor as regrets. The difference is that regrets usually have to do with the choices you make, while disappointments have to do with the outcome of what you put your expectations in. It means you didn’t get what you wanted or hoped for.

React in our flesh

What do we do when we experience a disappointment? Most of the time we react in our flesh instead of our spirit. The word “flesh” refers to self-nature or human nature or self-effort.

To walk after the flesh is to do your own desires, usually it is the easy way out or it pleases you in an ungodly way. Joyce Meyer states in “Living Beyond Your Feelings,” that “The nature of the flesh is to want what it thinks it cannot have, but once it has what it thought it wanted, the craving starts all over again.”

The one word that the flesh screams the loudest is MORE, and no matter how much it has, it is still never satisfied.” This reminds me of an older movie called, “Little Shop Of Horrors.” In it Seymour has a plant that needs to be fed all the time. When Seymour feeds it, the plant gets bigger and bigger and is never satisfied. It eventually takes over his home. This is exactly what happens when we feed our flesh instead of our spirit. The flesh is never satisfied and the more you feed it, the bigger and more demanding it becomes.

It is natural to react to disappointments in our flesh. We might hold a grudge against someone who has let us down or has hurt us. Holding a grudge has a downward spiral attached to it. Holding a grudge is un-forgiveness. God is bigger than our disappointments. It may seem at the time that He isn’t, because they are staring us in the face, but God is still bigger. We put our trust in Him and not people, or things, or events. All those things will let us down someday, but God will always be there and always has His best plans for our lives.

Things we may do in our flesh when disappointed

1. We put up walls

This happens often. We put up walls and don’t talk to someone or even totally close off all communication. I know because I have done this. It feels “right” at the time and it gives us a sense of control. We felt out of control when the disappointment came. There might not have been any thing we could have done to fix or change the outcome. It is a huge frustration to live with an outcome you didn’t have in your plans. It is very hard to live with circumstances someone else chose for you. But the walls only hurt us.

Steps to lawlessness:
1. Get offended
2. Put up walls
3. Isolate ourselves
4. Become a law unto ourselves
5. Lawlessness sets in and we don’t listen to anyone and do our own thing.

2. We get mad at God

It is easy to get mad at God thinking He could have prevented what happened. Reality is God had nothing to do with it. People are given free will and they make choices all the time. Their choices might not line up with your choices or what you planned. Often authority figures over our life can make a choice that affects us. Our hands are tied as to the outcome. We can easily blame God, quit our job, or distance ourselves from this person. All of these choices are not good choices.

It is amazing how it is the first thing people go to, getting mad at God, when disappointments come. We may even have prayed about the situation and when it doesn’t turn out the way we want, we blame God for the mess. Is it really God’s mess, or is it possibly bad consequences of your own choices we have to live through?

Getting mad at God never helps the situation, but only hurts you and your walk with Him. Stop blaming God for every bad thing that happens in your life. Your life will be much more at peace if you stop doing this.

Romans 8:28 NKJV
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

It doesn’t say that all things are good that we go through, but that all the things we go through will work out for our good. It also says that we are called. You and I are called by God to live our Christian life for His purpose and His glory.

3. We get mad at ourselves

Handling disappointments is a process. Don’t get mad at yourself if you are not over it quickly. It takes time to heal and to regroup after a disappointment. Give yourself permission to relax and allow God to heal you, and learn to worship in the middle of the Disappointment. No one is perfect. If you are a perfectionist, you will never attain being perfect. Give yourself a break. You are human just like the rest of us humans on this earth. We need to do our best, but not at the expense of perfectionism. It is a trap the enemy uses to snare you into bondage.

4. We show emotion or get depressed

Often it is natural to cry or be upset when something happens that has hurt you. There is a grieving process whenever there is a loss of any kind. There are 5 stages of grief when a loved one dies that can be applied to what we experience after a disappointment:

5 Stages of Grief or Loss
1. Denial and Isolation
2, Anger
3, Bargaining – “If only I did this.. or that..”
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. — Martin Luther King Jr

Disappointments are to the soul what a thunderstorm is to the air. – Friedrich Schiller

Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments. – Henry Ward Beecher

Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures. – Joseph Addison

How To Handle disappointments?

Let’s face it everyone will be disappointed from time to time. It is what we do; our actions or reactions, that determine our character. Often disappointments shape our character. It is in these times we need to quickly seek God to help us heal and to learn from them.

Know that disappointments can help you grow. They make you stronger for your future. We can try and fight having disappointments but really it is futile because we can never control people or circumstances. This is not what God wants from us; a bunch of controlling, manipulating people.

Here are a few things I have personally learned when it comes to dealing with and handling disappointments, and I pray they help you:

1. Run to God

Running to God, and venting your frustrations about your disappointments, is the very first thing you should do after being disappointed. Telling Him how you feel is the best way to get it out. Stuffing your feelings inside of you only brings turmoil. God knows and sees everything. He was there when it happened. He wants us to run to Him with our disappointments.

1 Peter 5:7 (NKJV)
“Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7 (Amplified Bible)
“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.”

God hears our cry. Crying out to God is a form of running to Him. Here are just a few verses in the Bible about crying out to God:

2 Sam. 22:7 (NKJV)
“In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry entered His ears.”

Psalm 18:6 (NKJV)
“In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.”

Psalm 30:2 (NKJV)
“O Lord my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me.”

Psalm 57:2 (NKJV)
“I will cry out to God Most High, To God who performs all things for me.”

Psalm 61:1 (NKJV)
“Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer.”

Psalm 77:1 (NKJV)
“I cried out to God with my voice – To God with my voice; and He gave ear to me.”

God hears our cry and our humble plea moves His heart to action. Just the act of crying out to God brings healing, but to know God will move on our behalf brings security.

2. Worship

Worship in the middle of the disappointment. Worshipping God takes our attention off of our circumstances and ourselves, and places our gaze, our focus on our Creator. Worship frees our spirit of the cares of this world. It puts life in perspective. Worship also helps us to place our trust in God in the middle of the disappointments.

Worshipping God reminds us of how good He really is. It helps build our faith to arise in us to overcome the disappointment.

Isaiah 52:17 – 19
“His name shall endure forever; His name shall continue as long as the sun. And men shall be blessed in Him; All nations shall call Him blessed. Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, Who only does wondrous things! And blessed be His glorious name forever! And let the whole earth be filled with His glory. Amen and Amen!”

God only does wondrous things! He will do wondrous things in your life as you place your cares upon Him. Don’t try to figure it out on your own. There are many things we can’t fix or change, but God has a plan. Even if it is teaching us to endure in the middle of the process of handling disappointments, we will come out the other side better for it and with much reward.

Psalm 28:6 – 7 (NKJV)
“Blessed be the Lord, Because He has heard the voice of my supplications! The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him.”

Remind yourself of God’s faithfulness.

Psalm 42:5 (Message)
“Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God – soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God.”

3. Forgive

Release the person in your heart. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life, and it gives it back to you. Realize nobody is perfect. If you are having trouble letting go of a grudge or to give forgiveness, talk to someone you trust, who will give you wise, Godly, and compassionate advice.

Forgiving is a process, at least it has been in my life. I would go through the stages of grief and then come to a place in my heart I was willing to forgive. Then I would even pray and might say it out loud; “I forgive _______ !” Then, something else would come up that would re-open the wound, and all the forgiveness I gave that person went out the window! I would have to come to the place in my heart to be willing to forgive again and then release them. Sometimes this happened over and over again. I knew the verses in the bible about forgiving seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). I knew if I didn’t forgive, my sins would not be forgiven (Matthew 6:12). These are things that motivated me to forgive, but the actual act of forgiving always seemed to take time. I finally gave myself permission that it was okay if I wasn’t at the place of forgiveness with them, knowing that was my ultimate goal.

Wounds take time to heal. Allow yourself the time it takes to be made whole again.

Jesus is my hero. He went to the cross knowing what was in the hearts of people, and even forgave them in the middle of the act of being crucified. My spirit wants to be able to do that, but my flesh wins out more than not.

Some people don’t struggle with forgiving others. They look like they just shrug it off and have no issue, but deep down inside a wound was created and only God and time will bring true healing.

I came across a post on Facebook the other day that I think will help us all in the process of forgiving others who have disappointed or mistreated us. The post was from the “Called Magazine” and they stated: “TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Give someone who mistreated you a kind word (genuine compliment/encouragement) or a thoughtful gift. — CAN YOU DO IT?” This challenged me to reach out in the direction of someone who hurt me and say a kind word to them. It was a step in the right direction. Baby steps are better then not stepping forward at all, and even better then stepping backward deeper into un-forgiveness to becoming bitter and resentful.

I could go into a sermon all its own on this subject. This message is to bring us to the awareness that forgiveness may be needed if your disappointment has to do with someone letting you down. God is bigger then your unforgiveness and He will help you overcome if you ask Him too.

4. Break walls down

It is natural to harden our hearts to life, let alone to people. You might have tried and tried to do something and was disappointed every time. Putting up walls and isolating yourself is not the answer. It only makes your turmoil worse.

Life has been given to us to enjoy, not resent. God has blessed us with many blessings if we would just look for them. We have to break down any walls we have built up, or possibly want to build up, or we will dry up and never have a healthy life.

Have you ever been dehydrated? I have. Your body will tell you it is drying up by how you are feeling and the symptoms you are experiencing. When someone is dehydrated they experience many symptoms. This is what happens to us spiritually when we put up walls and isolate ourselves from the real issue that God wants us to deal with. We become unhealthy and the signs will be seen by:

2% body fluid loss:
Thirst
Loss of Appetite
Dry Skin
Skin Flushing
Dark Colored Urine
Dry Mouth
fatigue or Weakness
Chills
Head Rushes

5% body fluid loss:
Increased heart rate
Increased respiration
Decreased sweating
Decreased urination
Increased body temperature
Extreme fatigue
Muscle cramps
Headaches
Nausea
Tingling of the limbs

10% body fluid loss (Emergency help is needed immediately)
Muscle spasms
Vomiting
Racing pulse
Shriveled skin
Dim vision
Painful urination
Confusion
Difficulty breathing
Seizures
Chest and Abdominal pain
unconsciousness

I think you get the point. What happens in the natural is similar to the spiritual. We have to keep ourselves spiritually hydrated, which includes breaking down the walls of isolation and anger.

Dehydration symptoms in the spiritual:
A lack of thirst for God
Loss of hunger for God and His Word
Indifference or lack of compassion or passion
Complacency sets in
Absorbed with self
Faith is low and you don’t even care
The things of this world seem appealing and Godly things don’t
Lack of fellowship with other Christians
Lack of attending church

Isolation or building up walls, is spiritual Dehydration. Our spiritual life is in jeopardy if we don’t break the walls down and get help. We are alert with our natural body and how it functions, we have to do the same with our spiritual life.

5. Be positive

Refuse to allow negativity to become a part of you after you have been disappointed. It is so easy to speak negative words about the situation, people, or life in general after being disappointed. Being negative about your circumstance never brings healing or help. Ask God to help you look at the situation through His eyes and from His perspective. Look to see what you can learn from it. Have a positive attitude that life will change in time. Know what you are going through is just a little bump in the road compared to the bigger picture of eternity.

I am sure you have heard the saying, “ You can either get better or bitter.” This is so true. Be determined to get better and to focus on the positives in your life. These are God’s blessings in disguise. We forget the good when we are faced with some bad. Learn to encourage yourself in the Lord like David did.

Psalm 30:10 – 12 (NKJV)
“Hear, O LORD, and have mercy on me; LORD, be my helper!” You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.”

6. Don’t try to get even

Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t speak evil against them.

1 Thess 5:15 (Amplified Bible)
“See that none of you repays another with evil for evil, but always aim to show kindness and seek to do good to one another and to everybody.”

This is very hard to do I know. If you have spoken evil about someone you have been disappointed and hurt by, ask God to forgive you and to wipe away the words you have said. Be determined to stop yourself when you start to speak evil against someone.

7. Walk on

Get to a place you love people but you are not devastated when they let you down.

Know life will have challenges but be determined to keep going, especially in the middle of a challenge.

Move on and keep going in your life. Disappointments do not determine your future if you have the right perspective and determination.

Walking on doesn’t mean you trust the person who disappointed you. It does mean you are willing to move past it and keep going. If you decide you are giving up, the enemy wins and what is life if you choose to give up? Nothing!

Know there is life after disappointments. Even if the disappointment is a life change, God can make beauty from ashes! Remind yourself that God is bigger then your disappointment. Tell yourself that you trust in Him to guide your steps in spite of your disappointment.

Isaiah 61:3 (NKJV)
“To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

No matter what you are going through, God is BIGGER!

God is Bigger than our Disappointment!

Your sister in Christ,

Pastor Kris Belfils
http://www.krisbelfils.com
http://www.hopefellowshipspokane.com
http://www.krisbelfils.wordpress.com

by

Peace Robbers (Part 2 of Pursue Peace)

It is hard to find peace in this chaotic world. So many things are pressing for our attention, time, and sanity. Once we have peace, we have to guard our peace at all cost. There are “Peace Robbers” out there that will steal our peace away from us if we let them.

This is a two part message. In part One; “Pursue Peace,” we found out how to get peace and now in part Two, we will see what robs our peace and how to protect it.

Peace Robbers

1.  Being Busy

Being busy is the biggest tool the enemy uses to rob us of our peace. Business makes you think you are doing good. Often being busy is where you wrap your identity in. Have you ever answered someone’s question; “How are you doing?” with “Keeping busy!” It is easy to fall into the trap of business. After all, we are usually productive and have good motives. Yet, being busy keeps us distracted from the true purpose for our life. God cannot bring you to your destiny if you are too busy with insignificant things, which you have chosen, to take up your time.

Not all the business is wrong or bad. We have to decipher between the pressing and the important. There is a difference. Most of the time the “pressing” wins out. We add so many extra things on our plate that we can’t even finish eating what was there before. Have you heard the expression: “Your eyes are bigger then your stomach?” This is a statement to show you want more then you can handle. Our stomach is only so big, but our eyes see more “good things” and grab it and place it on our plates thinking we can eat it all.

“Simple active work and spiritual activity are not the same thing. Active work can actually be the counterfeit of spiritual activity.”

Oswald Chambers

Utmost For His Highest

Being busy makes one look like they are accomplishing a lot, but in reality their spiritual life suffers. Even if what you are doing is for God, it is still “simple active work” compared to where your relationship is with God and cultivating that relationship. Spending time with Jesus, the Prince of Peace, allows us to be more like Him and His peace fills our hearts. It is imperative to grow in Christ. If we are too busy doing vague, thoughtless and foolish things, our relationship with God suffers.

Ephesians 5:14 – 17 (Amplified Bible)

“Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise [sensible, intelligent people]. Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil. Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.”

Do you find yourself tired all the time and never seem to get enough sleep. If you have ruled out anything physically wrong with you, chances are it is because of being busy.  Seriously, if you can’t “Be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10),” something is very wrong in your life.

You might be afraid to be still. Maybe there are issues in your heart you are afraid to look at or address. Maybe God is pricking your heart about something and if you slow down, you will have to look at them. Ask yourself; “Am I peaceful?” In other words, if these things are robbing you of your peace, then by all means address them and deal with them and stop ignoring the Elephant in your living room! You are waisting time by running into business to escape dealing with these tuff issues. You will be free and find your peace the moment you decide to stop running and start dealing. The enemy uses this weapon agains people every second of the day. The sad thing is people think they are “okay” or “have a handle on it” when in reality they are drowning in their business that will eventually kill them. Let go of being busy and grab ahold of God’s joyful peace.

If you are afraid of all your business being taken away, and it brings pain in your heart, this is a sign your identity is wrapped up in what you do, instead of who you are in Christ.   I know first hand how this feels. I always wanted to be busy in ministry. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving a church without another position lined up for me to walk in. The busier I was, the more important I was feeling. I didn’t realize I was placing what I did before my relationship with God. It became my idol. Yes, ministry became my idol. You see even the good can become bad if it is placed wrong on our priority list.

Remember that everything is the Lord’s. The earth, and all that is in it is the Lord’s (1 Corinthians 10:26). The heavens, and the earth were made by the Lord (Psalm 115:15). Who are we to get wrapped up in the things of this earth to the point it takes our peace away? It all belongs to the Lord. We are just passing through. We are renters and eventually we will be moving out and moving into our mansion in heaven when God calls us home. Hold on loosely to the things of this world.

Proverbs 11:28 (Message)

“A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree.” 

Being busy is a peace robber. Recognize it and make some changes in your life to let go of the things that really don’t matter, and to hold on to the truly important. Your family, friends, and even yourself, will be happy you did. Don’t settle for the “good” when you can have the best! It’s okay to say; “no” to protect your peace.

Proverbs 16:3 (Message)

“Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; GOD probes for what is good.”

2.  Walking in the flesh

a.  Emotions – Our emotions can rob us of our peace. We can get ourselves all worked up over something or someone to the point we have no peace. Constantly thinking about, or even obsessing about something is not healthy. Having healthy emotions should be our goal. Allowing God to help us manage our emotions and applying His wisdom to them, will help bring peace back in our life.

Proverbs 15:15 (Message)

“A miserable heart means a miserable life; a cheerful heart fills the day with song.”

Proverbs 14:30 (NLT)

“A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.”

Jealousy is like a cancer. Thinking, dwelling, and wanting what someone else has is a sin. It will corrupt your life and rob you of any peace. Jealousy is the opposite and an antonym of contentment. Contentment brings peace. Jealousy brings stress and strife. When someone is jealous, soon their actions will show it and others will see it. How you talk, and interact with others will be affected too. This is letting our emotions runaway with how we feel. It is walking in the flesh. I like how the Message Bible states that verse.

Proverbs 14:30 (Message)

“A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones.”

Emotions are fickle. They come and go and often we can’t rely on them. Emotions are not good or bad, they just are. That is why we need a proper perspective on them. God gave us our emotions to enjoy and experience life. Jesus showed and experienced human emotions by weeping when Lazarus died, or by getting angry when in the temple and people were using it for exchanging money and buying and selling things. So to say emotions are wrong or bad, is not truth. But to rely on and express negative emotions to the point of hurting or affecting others is a battle of self-control. It is what we do with our emotions that affect our peace.

Proverbs 14:29 (Message)

“Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles stupidity.”

There are many emotions that rob us of our peace. The crime of uncontrolled anger vented towards someone or something is an instant peace robber. Believe it or not Self-pity is an emotion too and can rob us of our peace. Feeling sorry for yourself is trying to move forward by digging a whole underneath you. You will never go anywhere and end up in a big pit.

b.  Constantly being negative, critical or judgmental – Being critical often is an outward manifestation of an inward lack. We are feeling bad about ourselves or have low self-esteem and hate seeing others succeeding. Being judgmental is a sin. Pride is involved with judging others. Thinking you are better or could do better then they are doing.

It might just be that you don’t like a person and are critical of them and what they do or say. This peace robber happens all the time. The more you talk about another person, the more you condemn yourself. In reality we don’t see it that way, but we live in unrest and constant turmoil and don’t know why. When we judge others it will come back on us.

Matthew 7:1 – 5 (NLT)

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Being a critical, negative, judgmental person will isolate you from others because they won’t want to be with you. They are afraid they will be the next topic of your gossip. Keep a guard on your tongue, this will keep a guard on your peace. Stop seeing the negative in life and in others. Negative people never reach their full potential. Critical people never enjoy life. Judgmental people will be judged with the same measure of judgment they give out. All of these people are robbed of their peace.

3.  Expectations 

a.  Expectations we put on people – Putting high expectations on others is a bondage builder. It puts people in bondage. They will never measure up to your standards and will fail in your eyes often. Yes, it is good to want the best for others, but not at the expense of someone always trying to please you. The only expectation we should have is in God and what He will do.

Psalm 62:5 (NKJV)

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.

Notice this verse states; “For my expectation is from Him.” We long for God to move. We have expectancy and it actually comes from God to us. He wants us to put our expectations in Him alone.

Psalm 145:15 (Message)

“All eyes are on you, expectant; you give them their meals on time.”

Are your expectations on God or man? When high expectations are placed on people and they are not met, stress comes to all parties, including ourselves. We can expect our friends, or our spouse, or our family to meet our needs. When they don’t, we get frustrated with them. It is not their job to meet our needs. Let people be themselves. God is the one who is more then enough for what we need.

Let go of high expectations you place on others so they can have peace and you can too.

b.  Expectations we put on ourselves – This is not easy to stop doing. We all expect more out of ourselves then we do others, especially if we are perfectionists. A perfectionist always feels they are never good enough, or that they never measure up. Their self-esteem is very low and they always feel there is something wrong with them. How do I know this? Because I have walked in those shoes a good portion of my life.

A perfectionist seldom has peace. Why would they after placing too high of expectations on themselves. They make goals and once they obtain them, they either feel it wasn’t done right, or they could have done a better job. Often times they reach a goal and never enjoy the reward because they placed higher expectations on themselves. Higher and higher the measuring rod goes for them to reach and they never really reach it because they push it higher. Give yourself a break. No one can live like that. Not only is there no peace in their lives, but no peace in their family, work, and anything they are connected with.

Let go of to high expectations on yourself. Allow God’s peace to flood your heart that you are acceptable just the way you are. It is okay to be yourself and being yourself brings peace and freedom.

4.  Unhealthy Relationships

If you fight low self-esteem, being a perfectionist, or feelings of inadequacy, chances are you pick unhealthy relationships with people that are not good for you. If it is not wrong people, then your relationships are extremely tense because of putting too high of expectations or expecting others to fulfill your needs. Co-dependency or emotional dependency comes when you are looking to others to meet your needs in stead of God. We can even be co-dependent on our friends or spouse. If you are placing people higher then God and your relationship with Him, chances are you are emotionally or co-dependent on them. This subject could stand alone in a book, but we don’t have time here. Mainly, I wanted to get your attention that unhealthy relationships can rob us of our peace, our time, our relationship with Christ, and so much more.

Hanging around the wrong crowd automatically puts you in unhealthy relationships. Their morals and standards might not be Biblical. They might not have any morals at all. We become who we hang around, so choose your friends wisely. Don’t allow your peace to be stolen by making a bad choice in a relationship. Ask God if you are questioning if you have unhealthy relationships, He will show you.

5.  Fear

a.  Fear of the unknown – Always worrying about tomorrow, or what is going to happen will put you in bondage and take away your peace. Remember the Prince of Peace holds your tomorrows. He knows what tomorrow will bring so it makes sense to rely on God every day. The good thing is that if you are a believer, we can rejoice that God is by our side. He is the One who fights our battles when we lean on Him. Remember that God loves you unconditionally. His love is perfect.

Perfect love cast out all fear, and this is the love God has for you.

1 John 4:18 (GW)

“No fear exists where his love is. Rather, perfect love gets rid of fear, because fear involves punishment. The person who lives in fear doesn’t have perfect love.”

If you live your life in fear of the unknown you will never have peace in your life.

b.  Fear of man – Always fearing what people think or what they are going to do is bondage. It prevents you from being free to live your life. You will never please everybody. I have come to this harsh reality. For years I tried to make people happy. I was a Worship Pastor for many years and tried to do the songs or hymns everybody wanted, but I still heard complaints. I finally got to the point I would pick songs that the Holy Spirit told me to bring into the congregation. Then, when someone had an issue with a song, I just told them to take it up with the Holy Spirit. Soon, people stopped gripping about what kind of worship I would lead.

I also was afraid of what people thought of me. I could never be “myself” thinking people wouldn’t like me. But trying to be someone I wasn’t put me in turmoil. Christ died for our freedom, this includes being free to be ourselves. There will always be people who will disagree with you and think bad thoughts about you. Like me, you need to get over yourself and over this issue. It will rob you of your peace and put you in a trap your entire life. Then you will look back on your life and wished you lived differently. Now is the time to recognize you have the fear of man and what they think, and to release it to God and allow Him to heal you of any insecurities and events in your past, so you can truly live your life to the fullest being free to be yourself.

c.  Fear of failure – Always being afraid of making a mistake is torment. No one is perfect, even a perfectionist. Failure is only failure if you stop and give up. How many Inventors, Scientists, Entertainers, Public Figures, and more, who kept going even after failing time after time, till one day they found the answer? There are many. Don’t give up, you could be one step from your breakthrough. Don’t be afraid to fail. Just get back up and dust yourself off, and try again.

There is a story about a man who was walking across the street and tripped and fell down. The next day one of his friends walked by and saw him. They asked, “Are you okay?”  He said, “I tripped and fell down yesterday.” His friend asked, “Are you hurt?” “Do you have any broken bones or internal injuries that prevents you from getting up?” The man said, “No.” “You don’t understand, I fell down and I can’t get up.”

This would never happen in real life. If you tripped and fell on the ground, you would quickly get back up and look back to see what made you trip and fall. Far too often people fail and think they can’t go on. Even before they attempt to do something new, they give up because they don’t want to fail. They are afraid they will look bad in front of people. This will rob you of your daily peace. “If only’s,” and “should of’s” will haunt you for the rest of your life. Let’s be a people who are not afraid to try something new. The worse thing that can happen is it didn’t work for that attempt. Tomorrow is a new day, and with God on your side, all things are possible.

Matthew 19:26 (ESV)

“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

6.  Self acceptance

a.  How do you see yourself? – I have notice often that most people really don’t like themselves. If we don’t get along with ourselves, we won’t get along with other people. When we reject ourselves, it may seem to us that others reject us as well. Relationships are a large part of our lives. How we feel about ourselves is a determining factor in our success in life and in relationships.

Our self-image is the inner picture we carry of ourselves. If what we see is not healthy and does not line up with Scripture, we will suffer from fear, insecurity and various types of misconceptions about ourselves.

People who are insecure about themselves suffer in their mind and emotions, as well as in their social and spiritual lives. I know as I have talked to many and have seen what their insecurities have done in their life. Also, I know as I myself have suffered in this area. Studying the Word of God and receiving His unconditional love and acceptance will bring healing to our life.

b.  God approves of you – God never intended for us to feel bad about ourselves. He wants us to know ourselves well and have self-acceptance. God approves of you, shouldn’t you approve of yourself?

Jeremiah 1:5 (Amplified)

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved of you [as My chosen instrument]…”

Proverbs 23:7

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…”

What do you think about yourself? Where ever you go, there you are. You can leave the presence of friends, family, co-workers, but you can never leave yourself. When you go to bed, there you are with yourself. When you wake up in the morning, guess who is right there? You are! Do you like yourself? Start today accepting yourself. You cannot get away from who you are. If you struggle in liking yourself, ask God for help, after all He created you.

Genesis 1:31

“And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good (suitable, pleasant) and He approved it completely. And there was evening and there was morning, and a sixth day.”

Rejecting ourselves does not change us, it actually multiplies our problems. Acceptance causes us to face reality and then begin to deal with it. We cannot deal with anything as long as we are refusing to accept it or denying its reality.

Webster’s II New College Dictionary defines accept in part as: 1. To receive (something offered), esp. willingly. 2.  To admit to a group or place. 3.  a. To consider as usual, proper, or right. b. To consider as true.

Notice from this definition that acceptance involves the will. If we apply this definition to self-acceptance, we see that we can choose or not choose to accept our self. God is offering us the opportunity to accept our self as we are, but we have a free will and can refuse to do so if we so choose. We also see from this definition that when something is accepted, it is viewed as usual, proper or right.

People who reject themselves do so because they cannot see themselves as proper or right. They only see their flaws and weaknesses, not their beauty and strength. This is an unbalanced attitude, one that was probably instilled by authority figures in the past who majored on what was weak and wrong rather than on what was strong and right.

The word acceptance from the same dictionary is defined in part as “approval” and “agreement.” If we are having problems accepting ourselves as we are, we need to get into agreement with God that what He created is good – and that includes us.

Amos 3:3

“Do two walk together except they make an appointment and have agreed?

To walk with God, we must agree with God. He says He loves us and accepts us; therefore, if we agree with Him, we can no longer hate and reject ourselves. Self-Acceptance will bring peace, self-rejection will rob your peace from you.

7.  Not giving God Control

Many people struggle with this issue. They fight over having control of their life. Trying to make things happen or not happen in their own strength, and then get frustrated when things don’t go the way they want them too.

Not giving God control is a peace robber. If you have asked Jesus in your heart as Lord and Savior, that means you have made Him Lord of your life. Being Lord, means He has full reign in all areas.

Written from my journal July 12th, 2012: “There is a place in my love walk with God, a deep desire to please Him in every area of my life. I have to be pro-active and guard it. This love I have for God compels me to give you control. You see everything and know all. There is nothing I can hide from you, nor do I even want to. Having an open relationship for you to show me areas I need to lay down or change is what this Christian walk is all about. Why would I ever want to hide or prevent you to have total freedom in my life? This relationship is not like any other earthly one. My relationship with You is so precious and tender and stable. The fact that you would never leave me no matter what I do is truth that this relationship transcends all other relationships. I never want to allow my flesh or self-will to hurt my relationship with you, my loving God. I want to get to the point it grieves my spirit if ever I demand my way by not giving control.”

Giving God control doesn’t mean He will change you into something you don’t want to be, or do something you don’t want to do. Giving God control is saying, “Not my will, but yours be done.” Self-will is a peace robber when it comes to giving God control. It is not worth the struggle. To be truthful, the moment you give God control, you will find peace. You will say to yourself, “Why didn’t I do that a long time ago?”

Guarding your peace at all cost is vital to your Christian walk, and a healthy lifestyle. Don’t allow these []“Peace Robbers” to take away your peace. Be vigilant. Be alert! Be pro-active in who you are. Yielding to God’s correction and love is the only way for a peaceful life.

From one Peace Keeper to another,

Pastor Kris Belfils

www.krisbelfils.com

www.hopefellowshipspokane.com