May 19, 2015 by Pastor Kris Belfils

God is Bigger Than My Selfishness (20 Things the Selfless Do)

Being Self-absorbed, Feeling sorry for yourself, only thinking about yourself, maybe even being a narcissist. Do these words describe you? In today’s society people have grown very selfish. Everyone is thinking about themselves and their own personal agenda. Not many people are givers and see a bigger world than their own.

Selfish: adjective, “devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others, characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself.”

Lately, I have come across a lot of selfish people. Selfish people are usually unhappy. They are always talking about themselves, even when someone else shares a problem or pain, a selfish person will always make the conversation go back to themselves. Very seldom do they see the other person’s needs or point of view, only their own. Selfishness grieves God and it blocks growth in your life.

Everybody is bound to be selfish from time to time. Although many elements of our society may encourage it, selfishness just hurts other people, sometimes at little to no personal gain. A selfish person also ends up losing friends or loved ones because no matter how charming or interesting a selfish person may be, a relationship with a selfish person is hard to maintain. A truly selfish person would never consider the possibility that they are selfish. Many think selfishness and pride are good things, and that putting the needs of others above your own is for suckers. If you’re worried that you’re too selfish and want to be on the path to gratitude and humility, then let’s look at what the selfless do, and the Word of God, and learn from them.

Selfless: “having little or no concern for oneself, especially with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish.”

20 Things the Selfless Do

1. Selfless people put the other person’s need above their own.

Jesus is the best example of a selfless person. He was sent to earth to save the world from eternal damnation. He wasn’t about His own agenda, but His Father’s. He truly saw the bigger picture. It wasn’t about Him, but about the world, about souls. About people who were lost.

Philippians 2:4 ESV
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Proverbs 3:27-28 ESV
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.

Proverbs 19:17 ESV
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.

Far too often selfish people only see their wants and seldom see the needs of others. “I want this!” or “I want to become that!” When you become selfless and reach out to those in need, it is a good feeling.

Matthew 25:37- 40 NIV
Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

I was at an outside restaurant the other day wanting some lunch because I was really hungry. I went to see if they would take a debit card for payment because I only had $2.00 cash on me. As I walked away when I saw the sign that read, “Cash only: No Debit or Credit cards,” I saw a homeless couple that attends our church from time to time. I walked over to say, “Hi.” The woman said she was really hungry. I opened my purse and pulled out my wallet and gave them all the cash I had not knowing if they would use the money for food or alcohol or drugs. When I got in my care to drive away I saw the woman in my rearview mirror getting up and walking to order food with the little money I gave her. The feeling of helping someone in need far outweighed the hunger pains I was feeling in my stomach. It was the right thing to do.

2. Selfless people acknowledge others and find out more about them.

One of the most valuable things you can do for someone is acknowledge their existence. Some people feel no one sees them in a crowded room. I have found that acknowledging people, even when I am in a hurry or don’t want to, will brighten someone’s day. Often it leads to a conversation. Ask them questions about themselves if you don’t know how to start the conversation. Asking questions about the other person will open them up and you will find out more about them. Anyone can tell others about themselves. But asking questions about them or their life shows you are interested in them. Listen more and talk less. It will help when you are trying to overcome selfishness.

2 Peter 1:5-7 ESV
For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

Philippians 2:3 ESV
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

3. Selfless people allow God to increase in their life and they decrease.

John 3:30 Amplified Bible
He must increase, but I must decrease. [He must grow more prominent; I must grow less so.]

John the Baptist knew his place when it came to Jesus. John was the forerunner. He had his own disciples and followers, yet John knew his place was to prepare the way of Christ and not build his own kingdom.

God needs to be the center of your life. We follow Him, He doesn’t follow us. Too much of self and not enough of God is a bad thing. It leads to a life of misery and sin. It leads to a wrong path and bad consequences. Aside from all that, who wouldn’t want more of God in their life? He is a good God. I encourage you to develop a craving for God and the things of God. In order to get more of Jesus, you have to give Him more of yourself!

Proverbs 14:14 ESV
The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways.

When we decrease, we are nicer to people and value what God values. When we decrease God fills us up with more of His love, peace, joy, and all the fruit of His Spirit. Those are good fruit for people to pic!

4. Selfless people put themselves in the other person’s shoes.

Walking a mile in another man’s shoes can change your life for eternity. Of course, you won’t be able to actually do this, but you can put in the effort into thinking about the other people around you and considering how they might be feeling in any given situation.

Consider how your mother, your friend, your boss, or a random person on the street may be feeling before you take action, and you may find that the world isn’t as clean cut as you thought it was. The more you practice empathy and wondering what other people are going through, the sooner you’ll be able to give up your selfishness.

For example, before you start yelling at your waitress for giving you the wrong order, think about how she might be feeling. She might be tired from being on her feet for ten hours in a row, overwhelmed from having to work too many tables, or just feeling sad about something else; is it really necessary for you to make her feel terrible just to get what you want?

Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

1 Cor. 12:25-26
… so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Gal. 6:2
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

1 Pet. 3:8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

5. Selfless people love their neighbor as themselves.

You can spend so much time thinking about your needs and desires and planning how to get them all met. You plan your day or your future. You are so self-absorbed. Roll that energy and effort onto others. With the same intensity you have for yourself have an intense love for others, even your enemies. This will bring freedom and happiness to your life.

Mark 12:30 – 31 NKJV
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.

First we love the Lord with everything inside of us, and then we love others as we love ourselves. Do you do this or are you more in love with yourself than God or others? Selfless people are exactly that “less of self.” Selfish people are full of self. You choose?

6. Selfless people wait to speak and don’t interrupt others when they are talking.

Let them finish their sentence. Remember that your points can always wait. If it’s urgent (like if you have to leave) say “excuse me”. Selfish people often think that what they have to say is so important, and that what others have to say is so unimportant, that they can just jump in with their opinions at any time. Well, this is not the case. In fact, your opinion will be much better received if you wait your turn. Furthermore, you may change your opinion if you actually take the time to hear people out.

James 1:19 Amplified Bible
Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.

I have to say this is one my my pet peeves. When I am talking, it is most irritating when someone interrupts me and talks about themselves. It leaves the listener feeling sick to their stomach when they keep interrupting others and inserting things about their own life. This leads to my next point…

7. Selfless people take the time to really listen to others.

Do you listen to people when they talk to you? I mean, do you really listen? While they are talking are you thinking of something to say in response? Really listening to others is so important in building relationships. No one likes a one sided relationship where one does all the talking and never listens to the other.

Selfish people are notoriously bad listeners. This is because they are too busy talking about their own struggles, their own problems, and their own setbacks to take the time to listen to what their friends are saying. If you’re the kind of person who picks up the phone, talks at someone for half an hour, and then says goodbye, then you’re not taking the time to listen to what other people are telling you.

Any conversation should have about a 50/50 exchange of ideas, and if you’re monopolizing every conversation you have, then you’ve got to work on honing those listening skills the next time you talk to people.

Selfish people don’t care about other people, which is why they don’t really take the time to listen to them. Let’s read that same verse we did for point 6 here:

James 1:19
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Listen. Wait. Respond.
How many of our conflicts would dissolve or never even materialize if we:
▪ Listened to really understand a person’s concern or complaint,
▪ Waited… till our typically wrong initial impulse passed, till we’ve prayed, till we’ve asked clarifying questions,
▪ And then responded with patience, graciousness, honesty, clarity, and, if possible, brevity?

8. Selfless people easily give compliments to others.

Don’t just go on about how great you are. Take the time to let people know how great they are, whether you’re talking about their fashion sense, their personalities, or great decisions they’ve recently made. Or just compliment a perfect stranger if you’re waiting in line and like the stranger’s coat. Don’t give phony compliments just to suck up to people; give compliments because they really deserve them.

Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad.

Proverbs 15:23
A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word!

We have good words inside of us waiting to come out to encourage others. When you see someone doing good, or dressed nice, or handling a situation well, let them know. It will encourage them to keep on keeping on.

I remember being a young mother with my oldest daughter. We were in a grocery store at the check out line and she was upset over something. I kneeled down to her level (she was around 2) and explained what was going on. She understood and wasn’t upset anymore. Then I stood up and paid the cashier. Upon leaving the line an older gentleman stopped me and complimented me on how I treated my daughter. He said most mothers would smack them around or yell at them to stop their bad behavior but that I didn’t. It was nice to hear. It made me think I wasn’t a bad mother after all. (you know how young mothers feel when they have never done it before)

9. Selfless people practice putting themselves last.

If you’re a selfish person, then chances are you’re always looking for #1, well, first. You’ve got to change that as soon as you can if you want to start living a life filled with joy and free of selfishness. The next time you’re doing something, whether you’re in line at a buffet or waiting for your seat on the bus, stop and let the other people have what they want first, whether it’s food, comfort, or ease. Don’t be the person who always thinks me, me, me and has to get everything first; remember that other people are every bit as special as you are, and that other people deserve to get what they want, too.

Make a goal of putting yourself last in at least three situations this week. See how much better you feel when you’re not constantly thinking about how you can benefit at any given time.

Of course, once you level out, you shouldn’t always put yourself last or you may find yourself in a situation where people are taking advantage of you. But it’s good practice to do this if you’re absolutely always putting yourself first right now.

Matthew 20:16 NKJV
So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen.

It’s okay if you are not first, or have the best seat. Find a place within yourself to be okay with it. Realize you are first with God. You are His favorite, just like everyone else is. Rest in God and His goodness that He won’t allow you to miss out on anything you need or should have. If you are to have it, it will come about at the right time or in due season.

10. Selfless people remember they are not more important than other people.

Selfish people are constantly thinking that they are the center of the universe and that the world should revolve around them. Well, you need to drop that thought like a bad habit. Whether you’re Madonna or Donna the hairdresser, you should think of yourself as the same as everyone else, not as somehow better because you’ve got more money, more looks, or more talent than the person standing next to you.

Practice being humble and modest. The world is a huge and absolutely amazing place, and you are just one tiny part of it. Don’t think that you somehow deserve more than other people because you are “you.

Feeling you are more important than others is a sign you are competitive. No one is better or worse than you. We are all the same: Humans.

Gal. 3:28 NKJV
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Comparing our growth with others can be intimidating. No one is better than you, but they may have experienced more or accomplished more than you have. Learn from these people and don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t be intimidated by your lack of knowledge. Be teachable and a forever student in life. You will grow if you decide to do this. Surround yourself with people who can take you higher in your walk with God, in your abilities, and in your character. If you surround yourself with people who don’t want to grow, or don’t want to be close to God, it will affect you. Always be striving to grow more and complain less.

11. Selfless people enjoy giving the spotlight to others.

You don’t always have to be the center of every party, or every conversation. Selfless people enjoy allowing others to speak and are truly interested in in them.

I have a friend who is always talking or talks over others when others are sharing their needs, or telling a story, or expressing something funny. I watch the other people when my friend starts talking over them and they shrink back and stop talking. When my friend talks it inevitably changes the topic and others never get truly heard. I feel for the others and try to get the conversation back onto what they were talking about. It is extremely hard to have a relationship with selfish people who always have to be in the spotlight.

Selfish people cringe when someone else goes in the spotlight because they always want it for themselves. Well, if you want to stop being selfish, then you have to not only give up the spotlight, but you have to enjoy letting other people take it. Stop trying to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral and let other brides have their time in the spotlight. Be proud of other people for achieving things instead of wishing it was you.

Romans 12:1
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

We should be willing to raise others up and allow them to shine for God’s glory. I enjoy raising up my leadership staff and allowing them to preach or teach or, give them public compliments. It is good for the congregation to know and for that individual to publicly be raised up.

12. Selfless people keep in touch with friends, family, and relatives.

No one is an island. We all need each other. It is good to keep in touch with the people in your life. Take the time to be with family and friends. Relationships take time. They are worth it.

Selfish people find it easy to lose touch with people because they know that they will always come back to them. Don’t think that your time is so important that you can’t call your own grandmother or spend your lunch hour with a friend and then expect other people to be at your beck and call when you do need them. Give people the basic consideration of wanting to know how they’re doing just because.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

13. Selfless people show an interest in others.

Listening to people is a great way to show interest in them. Another thing you can do is to ask people questions, from their opinions on the local news to their experiences as children. You don’t have to interrogate them to show a casual interest in them as human beings, and to let them see that you really do care what they think about or what they’re struggling with. When people talk, don’t just nod and wait your turn to talk, but slow down and ask them questions if they’re talking about something that they feel passionate about.

You can show an interest in people without overwhelming them. The next time you talk to someone, set out to talk 20% less and to ask a few more questions than you normally would and see how it makes you feel.

14. Selfless people help people they know during their time of need.

When your friends, family, or even your neighbors are struggling, you should be there for them. Maybe your co-worker has had a death in the family, or your neighbor has been sick for months; take the time to make them a home-cooked meal, call them, or give them a card and ask how you can help.

People may be reluctant to say that they need help even if they obviously do. It’s up to you to figure out when you can really help without being intrusive.

Hebrews 13:16 ESV
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Galatians 6:2 ESV
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

15. Selfless people know when to stop talking about themselves.

Selfish people go on and on and on about their needs, their struggles, and their desires. The next time you have a conversation with a friend, do a personal recap afterwards and see what percentage you spent talking all about you, you, you. If you feel like everything you said was about yourself instead of the world around you and that your friend hardly got a word in edgewise, then it’s time to turn that behavior around.

It’s okay to ask for advice, talk about your day, and mention your wants within a reasonable realm, but it’s not okay if you’re known to be the person who can’t see past herself in any social situation. For one thing, if you have a reputation for only talking about yourself, people will get the message and won’t want to hang out with you.

Proverbs 10:19 ESV
When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Proverbs 17:28 ESV
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Honestly it is down right rude to always be talking about yourself instead of seeing and listening to other people and their needs and concerns.

16. Selfless people learn to compromise.

If you want to stop being selfish, then you’ve got to learn to compromise. This means seeing that it’s better to be happy than to get what you want, that other people have needs too, and that you can’t always get what you want. You don’t want to have a reputation for being so stubborn that people wouldn’t even think about approaching you with a difficult situation. Learn to listen to people, to weigh the pros and cons of any situation, and to be able to see the situation from another person’s perspective.

Don’t focus blindly on getting your way. Focus on understanding the situation from both sides. You don’t always have to be right or get your way.

Romans 12:18 ESV
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

John 13:34 ESV
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

1 Cor. 13:4 – 8a NKJV
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

When you truly love someone you will compromise to make your relationship work. Marriages end in divorce all because the couple was not willing to compromise. Selfish people will put being right or their own needs above the other and compromise never happens. Don’t let this be you. Learn how to compromise. This is a quality of the selfless.

17. Selfless people learn how to say, “Thank you.”

Selfish people think they deserve the best treatment and deserve to be spoiled, and that’s just not the case. If someone does something nice for you, whether they are complimenting you or giving you a ride to class, you should be grateful and thank them for their actions instead of just acting like it’s perfectly normal that they want to do favors for you. Don’t expect kindness or understanding and be grateful when it comes your way.

Selfish people think they “deserve” the best treatment at all times. It’s time to stop and think about all of the people who have really made your life better. It is not too late to thank them. I believe God has placed them in your life to be a blessing. We should be quick to thank others for their kindness, acceptance, and love.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Ephesians 1:16
I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

18. Selfless people have learned to give up control.

Selfish people think that they have to choose every movie, plan every vacation, and get their way in every school or work-related project. Well, it’s time to take a step back and to let some other people do some of the deciding. Sure, it may be scary to go to that new Thai place instead of your favorite usual Italian restaurant, and sure, you may not like letting Mary have so much control over your latest report; but you’ve got to trust that other people know what they’re doing and to let them get their way, too.

Giving up control can help you relieve stress and be happier, too. Think about how much easier your life will be if you’re not obsessing over planning every little thing so that it goes your way.

Psalm 46:10 GW
Let go of your concerns! Then you will know that I am God. I rule the nations. I rule the earth.

Every day, you have to decide who’s going to be in control of your life — you or God. Letting your spouse or friend decide something is easy when you place your trust in God. You can trust God that the decision someone else makes that affects you will work out for your good. You honor God and others when you give up your control. You might find out you even like it.

19. Selfless people spend time with people who are not selfish.

Join others who are kind and reciprocate kindness. Being with other selfish people, will not help you become a better person. We are very much defined by the company we keep. If you spend all of your time with other people who only care about themselves, then you won’t be a very considerate person. But if you spend time around an inspiring, giving person, you will be inspired to act in a less selfish way.

I am sure you can think of someone who is selfless in your life. You might have thought, “I wish I was more like them.” You can. The more you hang around the selfless, the more it rubs off on you. You are the company you keep.

Proverbs 13:20 GNT
Keep company with the wise and you will become wise. If you make friends with stupid people, you will be ruined.

1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.

2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

20. Selfless people have a heart of gratitude.

Make a habit of writing down all of the things you’re grateful for every Sunday or at least once a week. Take the time to think of each and every individual thing that makes your life really great, and don’t spend all your time focusing on the things you don’t have, or the things you wish you had, or all of the “If only” chants that can ruin your day and your life. Think of things that are going well for you, from your health to your plethora of friends, and feel happy about what you’ve got.

Selfish people are never satisfied and always want more, more, more. If you want to stop being selfish, you have to feel like you already have enough amazing things in your life. Any additional joys or gifts should come as a bonus.

Researchers studied the differences that occurs when people focus on their burdens, or themselves, versus focusing on what they’re grateful for. Simply acknowledging a few things you feel grateful for each day is a powerful way to create change. In fact, gratitude not only impacts your psychological health, it can also affect your physical health.

-People who feel gratitude don’t get sick as often as others.
-Gratitude leads to more positive emotions.
-Gratitude improves social lives.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Acts 24:3 ESV
In every way and everywhere we accept this with all gratitude.

God is bigger than your selfishness. He wants you to let go of self and cling to Him. We can trust Him with everything.

If you realize you are selfish, now is the time for change. Do some of or all of the selfless things on this list every week. Ask Jesus to be more like him. He moved with compassion and cared about others. He laid down His life for you. That is the ultimate selfless act anyone could do.

Your sister in Christ,

Pastor Kris Belfils

www.KrisBelfils.com
www.HopeFellowshipSpokane.com
www.KrisBelfils.Wordpress.com

Sources: Pastor Kris Belfils and http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Selfish

December 2, 2013 by Pastor Kris Belfils

Play Nice

Children are taught to “Play Nice’ in school and on the play ground, but when we grow into adults, we tend to be less kind and more selfish.

We have to approach relationships and getting along with people differently then having the attitude of “what can I get out of this.” We have to put our big boy and girl pants on as adults and be mature when getting along with others. It is easy to decline and fall back into our old nature habits of only thinking of ourselves, but once you have conquered something, once you have grown and matured naturally, we are responsible for our behavior. Actually we are responsible for our behavior all the time.

It doesn’t matter if you are a Christian or not; people hurt people. We all have hurt someone in our life. No exceptions. Often it comes when we don’t get our own way or we feel rejected. Looking at the United States Government and how the Democrats and Republicans seem to not get along, in essence they haven’t learned how to “Play nice” with others. Playing nice means that you don’t always get what you want. It means thinking of the other person’s needs beyond your own. This is hard for us, especially when what the other person thinks or wants is contrary to what you want or even believe is right.

So what do we do?

Matthew 7:12 Message

“Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God’s Law and Prophets and this is what you get.”

How would you like to be treated? If you were the other person receiving your behavior how would you react? One thing is for certain we should never behave badly because someone else behaves badly. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Learn to maintain good behavior in spite of your coworker’s or your family’s actions. Take the higher road. Negotiations can never happen if rather party is unwilling to budge from their opinions or viewpoints. Compromise is not a bad thing when it comes to working out differences. Compromise is an extremely bad thing if it means compromising the Word of God and your morals. We all should be people of integrity. But there is still room for working things out even when we are standing up for what we believe. Fighting doesn’t get us anywhere.

PLAY NICE

1. Understand that everybody is different.

More fights are had all because we are expecting people to be just like us. Don’t expect people to be like you. God has made us all different for a reason. He even works out circumstances so that we are with people that rub us the wrong way all to build our character. We might not like it. We might actually hate it, but what are you going to do? I have learned to say to myself, “It’s okay, that is how they are and I can’t change them.” I remind myself (if the person is a Christian) that the same Holy Spirit who works on my heart and character is working on their heart and character too.

Do you have multiple children, with different personalities, and wonder how they all came from the same place? How many of you have kids you get along with better then some of the other kids you have? How many have a child you love but don’t get along with them very well? Is the one you don’t get along with a lot like you? Usually that is the case. This makes my point of how would you respond if you were the one receiving your own behavior?

When you have a strong personality and you have a strong-willed child the war is on! Give them something to be in charge of that you are okay with. Then, don’t meddle in their business. If they fail at what they are in charge of it will be a learning experience for them. If they succeed, which is what we hope for, then it will help build their character of being responsible.

God gives us all a temperament and they are all different. We can look at all the personalities of the Disciples. Peter and John were so different. Peter was like a fireball who couldn’t keep his mouth shut for two seconds, and John just hung out with Jesus. He even referred to himself, in the book that he wrote, “I am the disciple whom Jesus loves.” I am sure that grated on Peter. Remember when Jesus was teaching on forgiveness it was Peter who said, “How many times am I to forgive someone for the same thing?” These guys were people just like us. They got offended at each other. They were constantly dealing with that stuff.

Jesus had opportunity to be offended. Jesus came to do a job, He was anointed to do that job, He had to maintain that anointing on His life. Let me tell you He needed an anointing to go to the cross. He needed the presence and power of the Holy Spirit to get through Gethsemane. We have to have the power of the Holy Spirit to get through these things.

What would have happened if Jesus would have gotten offended at John the Baptist when he began to doubt rather He was the One.” What if Jesus hid that offense in his heart and dwelt on it? What if He got offended a the religious leaders because they were always giving Him trouble and Jesus didn’t let it go but dwelt on it? What if He got offended at His own family because His brothers thought He was stock raving mad? Even though Jesus kept on trying to do what God called Him to do He was carrying heavy weights and bondages because of the un-forgiveness in His heart. You know what? We wouldn’t be here today! You wouldn’t be having this message today. We wouldn’t have believers today because He could not have finished what God had called Him to do. He was tempted every time He turned around to take offense but He didn’t.

I hope you are seeing something here! I have to work constantly to keep offense out of my heart. Deal with it violently. Don’t think that I am any different then you. I can be going through my day or even praying and a thought goes through my mind about what someone said or did towards me and start to think, “Well, I can’t believe they said that!” or “I can’t believe they did that to me!” We all have to be aggressive in dealing with being offended. This is learning how to play nice.

The devil is the devil in everybody’s life. He is not easier on one person compared to another. Sometimes I have to say out loud, “No! I am not going to dwell on that junk.” “I refuse to dig up that stinking garbage any longer.” Often I Pray, “God help me!” You know why? Because I don’t belong to myself. Neither do you. we don’t have the privilege of acting like an ordinary person. Paul told the Corinthian church, “You are carnal, fleshly babies because you are acting like mere unchanged men.

1 Cor. 3:1 – 3 Amplified Bible

“However, brethren, I could not talk to you as to spiritual [men], but as to nonspiritual [men of the flesh, in whom the carnal nature predominates], as to mere infants [in the new life] in Christ [unable to talk yet!] I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not yet strong enough [to be ready for it]; but even yet you are not strong enough [to be ready for it], For you are still [unspiritual, having the nature] of the flesh [under the control of ordinary impulses]. For as long as [there are] envying and jealousy and wrangling and factions among you, are you not unspiritual and of the flesh, behaving yourselves after a human standard and like mere (unchanged) men?”

Let me say it again, “We don’t have the fleshly privilege of acting like everybody else.” The whole rest of the world can get mad and stay mad, but we don’t get to stay mad! We get mad, but we don’t get to stay mad. We have to let it go, drop it and leave it and not be stumbling over that stumbling block all the time.

I am determined to finish what God has called me to do. And you need to be determined to do what God has asked you to do! Whatever that is you need to be determined to finish it. If it is nothing more then serving the Lord with gladness then be determined to do that! Everybody is not like us and we need to understand and look at a person and say. “you have just as much right as I do to think like you do. We don’t have to answer for anyone else, we only have to answer for ourselves.

Life would be pretty boring if we were all alike. Just think about making a pizza with just the crust? Adding more ingredients makes the pizza a pizza. Sauce, cheese, pepperoni, olives, … etc. We need to learn to appreciate the differences in people. Appreciate the value they are to us stop thinking about how different they are. Amen!

Stop trying to be somebody else and just be fully and completely you and let everybody else be who they are!

2. Be humble.

No one likes an arrogant person. Don’t over or underestimate yourself.

Romans 12:3 Amp

“For by the grace (unmerited favor of God) given to me I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly than he ought [not to have an exaggerated opinion of his own importance], but to rate his ability with sober judgment, each according to the degree of faith apportioned by God to him.”

Learn how to say I am not always right. Learn how to say, “Yes its ok if we do that, I don’t have to get my way all the time!” Always wanting your way is childish. That is how we were when we were toddlers. They don’t understand sharing or thinking about the other person. But we are adults and we know better. Only a dictator gets their way all the time. Don’t be a dictator. A dictator is someone who has complete power and no one can trump it. Usually a dictator is oppressive and demands their own way. They have unrestricted power and control. This is NOT the case with any Bible believing Christian. We are all subject to God and His authority.

Being around a person who is a leader and they act like a dictator is oppressive bondage. “My way or the highway!” Does this describe you? We should have freedom our creative selves. Are you a dictator in your house? In your work? With other Christians? We need to learn to be humble and realize we don’t have all the answers. Remember in marriage that you and your spouse are a team. Each have important things to bring into the marriage. Love will be patient and kind and not self-seeking. What have you contributed to your relationships lately?

James 4:10 KJV

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”

If you are being oppressed don’t try and seek revenge or feel it will be like that the rest of your life. God sees. He will lift you up. He will bring deliverance. God is your vindicator. He fights for injustice. He is fighting for you so you don’t need to fight but just to remain stable and keep your ground.

Exodus 14:14 NKJV

“The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.”

God will fight for you so stop fighting for yourself. Learn to play nice with others and know that God keeps the books.

3. Give criticism sparingly.

People don’t respond well to criticism but they respond well and are motivated by encouragement. You can have a student who has one teacher that gives encouragement and one teacher who criticizes. Inevitably the student who has the subject with the encouraging teacher will have a higher grade then the subject with the teacher who criticizes their work. It is the same in our families and any relationship we may have; encouragement goes a long way.

Are you a nosey ninny? Sometimes we just need to mind our own business! Here are a few quotes about minding your own business:

-The hardest part of business is minding your own.

-The biggest fool is one who minds the business of others rather than minding his very own.

-Hey, I found your nose, it was in my business again.

-Everyone else notices everyone else’s problems but never pay attention to their own.

-Facebook; Letting you put your nose in other people’s business since 2004.

You have enough to deal with in your life, it is not your job to know it all or fix others. If you see something wrong in someone else’s life, pray that God shows that other person. The Holy Spirit can do a far better job then you can. There will be times we have the means to help somebody, then do it!

There are times we need to give criticism, but not at the expense of destroying someone.

Criticism means: “the act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing : the act of criticizing someone or something: a remark or comment that expresses disapproval of someone or something (merriam-webster.com).”

This causes fights. People won’t respond well to judgement.

Matthew 7:1 – 5 NKJV

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Powerful words. Here is a down to earth rendition of those verses:

Matthew 7:1 – 5 Message

“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”

We can criticize or judge someone inwardly. Even though we didn’t share our critical thoughts to them we still have committed a sin because Jesus said if you even look at a person and lust for them you have committed the act in your heart.

We respond outwardly to how we think about others. If you think someone is doing something wrong, but you don’t tell them, your actions will reflect what you are thinking. You will probably treat them as if they were “less then.” You may even snub your nose at them. You could think, “I would never do that!” and your actions could be one of arrogance or indifference.

We all have faults. You do too if you would be truthful with yourself. If you are a person who is constantly being critical of others you will live a lonely miserable life. Criticizing doesn’t do anything good for anybody, including you. Learn to be easy going! Learn to accept the differences, or even the faults of others. Nobody is perfect. Give some people some slack: mercy and grace, even if they don’t acknowledge the wrongs they may have done to you.

4. Talk less and listen more.

Are you a person who likes to tell people what you think? Maybe you always have to tell something about yourself when others are talking. Many fights have started all because someone talked over another and didn’t really hear what the other person said. I know because it has happened in my life.

We could avoid undue stress and broken relationships if we would just talk less and listen more. Have you ever been around someone who talks so much you can never get a word in edge wise? It is pretty frustrating to say the least. When this happens voices are usually raised so the other person is heard. This can create an atmosphere of stress, or even worse, one can walk away from it thinking less valued.

Learn how to be quiet until the other person is finished talking. Even if you are afraid you will forget what you want to say or contribute into the conversation, just note what you want to say in your mind and turn your listening ears on.

People want to know you care. They don’t necessarily want a sermon or a lecture. If someone is going through a hard time, and they haven’t asked for your advice, don’t give it unless you ask them. We can say things like, “Would you like to know my advise?” or “Do you want to know what I think?”

Proverbs 10:19 NKJV

“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.”

We can sin just by talking too much. In other words if you babble on and on about you, your life, people, things that happened to you, chances are you will gossip and criticize others in the process. Talking less gives your tongue a rest and your ears a chance to function! LOL

Proverbs 17:28 Amplified Bible

“Even a fool when he holds his peace is considered wise; when he closes his lips he is esteemed a man of understanding.”

Holding our tongue, even when what we want to say is right, can keep the peace in a relationship. Sometimes it is just enough to know you are right. Other people don’t need to know that. Being a “know-it-all” is annoying to others and it is not playing nicely.

Often when we talk we don’t think about what we are saying. We should think about how it will come across to the listener. Our tone of our voice and our actions actually speak louder then words. We can tell someone that we love them, but if the tone of our voice is anger or if our actions suggest that we don’t value the other person, chances are you really don’t love that person. They will walk away feeling undervalued.

I like to learn how to watch people’s body language. It intrigues me to find out if someone is lying or not. There is a technique. There are many books out there too. Police and Law enforcement’s study people and can tell if someone is telling the truth. Most of the time if you talk less and listen more you can decipher things about the other person’s character. Not to criticize them but to understand them.

James 1:19 Amplified Bible

“Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.”

Be quick to listen. Be determined to find out more about the other person instead of the person knowing way more about you. We have two ears and one mouth. This should remind us that we should think twice as much as we speak!

Proverbs 8:2 ESV

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

Psalm 141:3 ESV

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”

This should be our prayer. It will help in all areas of our life. I don’t want anything coming out of my mouth that is not pleasing to God. We can lose relationships just by what comes out of our mouth. Guard your mouth. Always think before you speak. Will the listener be okay with the words I say to them? This will help us to play nicely with others.

5. Display true love.

1 Cor. 13:4 – 7 Message

“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.”

Often we think we need someone to love us but in essence we need somebody to love. The Bible says love is the most excellent thing we can do.

We are not called to “in-reach” we are called to “outreach!” Live to make somebody else happy.

1 Cor. 12:31 Amplified Bible

“But earnestly desire and zealously cultivate the greatest and best gifts and graces (the higher gifts and the choicest graces). And yet I will show you a still more excellent way [one that is better by far and the highest of them all–love].”

Loving people is a more excellent way. Choose to love instead of hate. Choose to look at the good and not the bad in people. You will always find bad, some people have more of it then others. Most of the time when someone is acting up it is because they have unresolved issues in their life. People are not our enemy though.

Matthew 5:44 Amplified Bible

“But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you to show that you are the children of your Father Who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the wicked and on the good, and makes the rain fall upon the upright and the wrongdoers [alike]. For if you love those who love you, what reward can you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that? And if you greet only your brethren, what more than others are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles (the heathen) do that?”

God wants us to do good to people who haven’t done any good for us because that is the best spiritual warfare to keep the devil under your feet. It breaks any stronghold the enemy is trying to put on you.

Love is the highest form of spiritual warfare. If we think we are doing something smart and stay mad at somebody and get revenge on them, it is the absolutely worse thing we could do for ourselves. Its all based on feelings. I feel, I feel, I feel! Feelings come and go but God’s word remains; we are to love one another as He loves us.

One of the main reasons people don’t walk in love is because love is an effort. Now get this: love will always cost you something. Its gonna cost some time, some effort, even to not start a fight in your home. It will cost you some pride. Be willing to swallow your pride to let someone else think they are right. Even though you are sure your right a fight and we have to guard our peace.

Its not that you become a doormat or let everybody walk all over you and push you around. You confront when God shows you to confront and you wait God tells you to wait.

Most of the time when God wants me to confront I want to leave it alone and when I want to confront He is telling me to leave it alone. When somebody has hurt us one of the hardest things in the world is to wait and let God bring our vindication. We want to take it for ourselves don’t we?

If you are waiting for the other person to do whats right, I have an announcement to make; You maybe waiting a long time. You are the one hearing this message so guess what? You get to start first! And not only that, if you’re the Christian in your house, then you ought to be the one to start first. You can’t expect the people who don’t know the Word to do anything right because they don’t even know what right is. So we have to do it as an example.

No matter how others act you stay the same. Don’t allow their behavior to dictate yours. Jesus didn’t change with the circumstances and act up with the people who were acting up. He remained the same. We can do this too by the grace of God. Love because we are commanded too. Love because it is being like Christ.

In order to get along with people in these last days we are living in it is imperative that we:

Play Nice (Review)

1. Understand that everybody is different.

2. Be humble.

3. Give criticism sparingly.

4. Talk less and listen more.

5. Display true love.

This is how we play nicely with others. It is not rocket science, just plan and simple stuff. Be a person who lets go of selfishness and clings to kindness and love. Your world will be a much better place and you will keep your peace in any relationship you may have.

From one playground dweller to another,

Pastor Kris Belfils

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